I have been absent from the scrapping world for the last couple of weeks, only trying to fill my obligations on assignments and responsibilities. My dear mother in law whom I loved so much, passed away Tuesday evening. It has been extremely difficult as the family thinks I am the glue that will keep this family from falling apart with grief. I have been a part of the family since I was 18 years old...32 years...My mother in law used to feel that I was the daughter she never had. Although she had 2 other daughter in laws, we were the closest. Always. I never said a bad thing about her, well, because there was nothing bad to tell. Not many people can say that they have a terrific relationship with their mother in law, but I did. I learned soooo much from her. She was good and generous and very talented. She was an artist and one hell of a terrific cook. You know those old Italian woman were the best cooks.
Up until one month ago, she just had the regular ailments of an 84 year old. And in the last month she started to decline, not knowing she was going into renal failure. She was admitted to the hospital on March 10th. We thought it was just another routine hospital stay, they pump her with fluids, remove the excess, fix her up and send her home. But she was giving up the fight. Tired of feeling sick, she just wanted to go home. She said "No more, I am done". Thats when I knew she was giving up the fight. My mother in law was the matriarch.. the strong one..Let me tell ya, she wore the pants in her family. We loved her for her strength and her kind heart. It was very big and she gave without ever wanting back.
My dear mother in law passed a way peacefully on Tuesday evening. We moved her quickly from the hospital, to hospice house. I asked her if she wanted to go home, and I would care for her, or if she wanted to go to hopice House and we would all be there with her. She agreed to Hospice House. She was still of sound mine when we got there, and she felt at peace that if this was the end, she would'nt die in the hospital. And we were all there. She went unexpectedly, but quickly and the way she wanted to go . With her family at her side all around her. My father in law holding her hand on one side, and my husband holding her hand at the other, and I sitting at the foot of her bed holding on until she took her last breath. She is suffering no more, and I am so sure that she has entered the Kingdom in all of it's Glory. She waited her whole life to be able to reach her final destination.
I am the executor of her will, and have started the arduous task of keeping the family from falling apart in their grief. I am heartbroken, and although I may appear strong, it is only show for the boys and my father in law. I have moved him in with us as he cannot live alone. He would surely die of a broken heart. Next month would have been their 60th Wedding Anniversary. This will be very difficult for him.
I have been busy this past week making funeral arrangements, moving my father in law here, trying to organize their home, making the appropriate phonecalls, getting my daughter home form Washington State, etc...I have not stopped. Saturday I spent the whole day shopping and cooking as we had the "Celebration Of her Life" in my home after church yesterday...She was a very simple but a generous woman. She didn't want a funeral service with crying and flowers. She hated both. We discussed in length what she wanted. Her wishes were, She wanted to be cremated, and the Sunday after her death, she wanted the family to go to church and attend mass, say a little prayer for her, and go back to the house and celebrate her life. I am cooked her typical Sunday Italian dinner, making her favorite cake, (the one she always baked for us) and using all of her pots and pans to do it. It wouldn't be Nanny's "Sunday" macaroni if I didn't...She didn't want flowers, but she did say if someone felt compelled to do so, then they should plant a tree, a bush, or flowers in her honor. That's what we are doing.
I have had company everyday this week, when all I really want to do is go into my scrap room and create. That is my therapy. So I will create some of my next work in her memory. I will miss my mother in law soooo much. She really was the best mother in law in the world. I was grateful to let her know that many times. And honored to be part of this wonderful family. Thank you for letting me share this intimate part of my life...When the dust settles, I will be back with a vengeance!!!