Monday, March 21, 2011

Sad day in our family...



I have been absent from the scrapping world for the last couple of weeks, only trying to fill my obligations on assignments and responsibilities. My dear mother in law whom I loved so much, passed away Tuesday evening. It has been extremely difficult as the family thinks I am the glue that will keep this family from falling apart with grief. I have been a part of the family since I was 18 years old...32 years...My mother in law used to feel that I was the daughter she never had. Although she had 2 other daughter in laws, we were the closest. Always. I never said a bad thing about her, well, because there was nothing bad to tell. Not many people can say that they have a terrific relationship with their mother in law, but I did. I learned soooo much from her. She was good and generous and very talented. She was an artist and one hell of a terrific cook. You know those old Italian woman were the best cooks.
Up until one month ago, she just had the regular ailments of an 84 year old. And in the last month she started to decline, not knowing she was going into renal failure. She was admitted to the hospital on March 10th. We thought it was just another routine hospital stay, they pump her with fluids, remove the excess, fix her up and send her home. But she was giving up the fight. Tired of feeling sick, she just wanted to go home. She said "No more, I am done". Thats when I knew she was giving up the fight. My mother in law was the matriarch.. the strong one..Let me tell ya, she wore the pants in her family. We loved her for her strength and her kind heart. It was very big and she gave without ever wanting back.

My dear mother in law passed a way peacefully on Tuesday evening. We moved her quickly from the hospital, to hospice house. I asked her if she wanted to go home, and I would care for her, or if she wanted to go to hopice House and we would all be there with her. She agreed to Hospice House. She was still of sound mine when we got there, and she felt at peace that if this was the end, she would'nt die in the hospital. And we were all there. She went unexpectedly, but quickly and the way she wanted to go . With her family at her side all around her. My father in law holding her hand on one side, and my husband holding her hand at the other, and I sitting at the foot of her bed holding on until she took her last breath. She is suffering no more, and I am so sure that she has entered the Kingdom in all of it's Glory. She waited her whole life to be able to reach her final destination.
I am the executor of her will, and have started the arduous task of keeping the family from falling apart in their grief. I am heartbroken, and although I may appear strong, it is only show for the boys and my father in law. I have moved him in with us as he cannot live alone. He would surely die of a broken heart. Next month would have been their 60th Wedding Anniversary. This will be very difficult for him.
I have been busy this past week making funeral arrangements, moving my father in law here, trying to organize their home, making the appropriate phonecalls, getting my daughter home form Washington State, etc...I have not stopped. Saturday I spent the whole day shopping and cooking as we had the "Celebration Of her Life" in my home after church yesterday...She was a very simple but a generous woman. She didn't want a funeral service with crying and flowers. She hated both. We discussed in length what she wanted. Her wishes were, She wanted to be cremated, and the Sunday after her death, she wanted the family to go to church and attend mass, say a little prayer for her, and go back to the house and celebrate her life. I am cooked her typical Sunday Italian dinner, making her favorite cake, (the one she always baked for us) and using all of her pots and pans to do it. It wouldn't be Nanny's "Sunday" macaroni if I didn't...She didn't want flowers, but she did say if someone felt compelled to do so, then they should plant a tree, a bush, or flowers in her honor. That's what we are doing.
I have had company everyday this week, when all I really want to do is go into my scrap room and create. That is my therapy. So I will create some of my next work in her memory. I will miss my mother in law soooo much. She really was the best mother in law in the world. I was grateful to let her know that many times. And honored to be part of this wonderful family. Thank you for letting me share this intimate part of my life...When the dust settles, I will be back with a vengeance!!!

34 comments:

Scrap Vamp said...

I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you and your family begin the process of healing.

Scrapthat said...

Sorry to hear of your loss, condolences to you and your family.

prissy-p said...

I am sorry for your loss, condolences to you and your family.

Nadia Cannizzo said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story with us..even though it was so sad to read, it was heartwarming the way you spoke of her because yes those relationships are very hard indeed. You sound like you were also a very good daughter in law, even after her passing organising everything so for that you need to be proud of your self. My thoughts are with you at the painful time in your family. God bless..

NickelNook said...

I am so sorry! My prayers will be with you and your family...Nancy

Amarilys said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Condolences to you and your family.

Dara Lynn said...

My heart goes out to you, your husband, father in law, and entire family. I too lost my mother in law, the rock of our family. It has been 10 years this Valentines' Day. Our hearts belong to her each day but are especially, fondly remembered on this day. Each of us dealt with the grief in different ways. I know first hand what you are going through. Your love for her is so evident in your posting this morning. What a wonderful lady you truly are....she is smiling down on you for all you do. My thoughts and prayers will be with you today and in the following days. God bless you girlie!

daisydilly (vicki) said...

I will most certainly keep you and your family uplifted in prayer. Hugs
Vicki

prutsels said...

I am so sorry for your loss. My MIL died 11 years ago this month any many of your words ring true for me.
What a legacy to be loved so much by so many! Don't forget you are only human Lisa, you can't do it all by yourself.

Lynette said...

Sending you a BIG {{{hug}} all the way from South Africa. I just know that you were truly the daughter that she never had. Take time to grieve her passing and hold on to the good memories.

Nanne said...

Oh Lisa.. I am so truely sorry for your loss.. She sounds like an amazing woman that loved everyone around her..
I too recently lost my dad (age 67), so I know what you are going through..I too am keeping it all together for everyone else's sake..
hang in there and take it one day at a time..
I will miss you while you are busy with other things, but can't wait to see what you have in store for us when you come back..
Hugs
Nanné

Sandi Cl~ said...

Hi, Lisa, I read about your loss over in the SD forum but didn't have time to leave a comment. Last year when my mom died, you sent me the sweetest poem about the ship passing out of sight. Hopefully, your this and faith will get you through your sorrow and you'll be stronger in the end. How wonderful that she entrusted you with all her albums! Hang in there!

Lynn Biermann said...

Lisa... my heart goes out to you & your family. She sounds like a wonderful woman & i can feel your love for her in your words! Thanks so much for sharing some of her with us! You are in my thoughts & prayers :)

Vicky Alberto said...

So sorry, thinking of you!

Tracy said...

You are an awesome daughter-in-law! Having done most of the arrangements for both of my grandparents I know how overwelming making all those decisions can be. May God give you the grace and peace to do what needs to be done. It sounds like you have a wonderful handle on what to do for the family but don't forget to take care of yourself too. God's blessings on you family during this sad time. Hugs!

Shona said...

Again I am so sorry for your loss and my prayers and thoughts go out to your and your family.

Tonya Gibbs - Psycho Mom said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Your blog post was so touching, I'm crying reading it. It shows how much you loved her, and how much you are going to miss her.(((((BIGGG HUGGGSSSS))))) to you and your family.

Lori said...

Lisa, I'm so sorry for your family's loss and yours. You may not feel strong, but you so are. What a testiment you are to so many with your love, strenght and admiration you held for you Mother In Law. I do believe she is dancing in heaven right now and in time your family will be dancing right along with you. What a beautiful testiment to her life. Also remember you are loved and admired yourself by many in the crafting world. You are in my prayers. Hugs, Lori

Paper Paradise said...

What a lovely relationship you shared all of these years. You are doing her memory proud now too, keep strong and hold on to the many happy memories of your dear Mother in Law...... Sue x

Elisabeth said...

Lisa, I am sending you big hugs from across the ocean. Thank you for sharing your feelings. You were truly blessed to have had such a great mother in law. I wish I could have said the same. You can do it, girl. You are the next one in line to be the "boss" of the family and you will do an awesome job at that too!!! Big hugs

Olga said...

So sorry for your loss, the way you describe her I love her and didn't even know her, sounds like one great woman! She was lucky to have you. You and your family are in my prayers.

Lisa aka Raining said...

Sooo sorry Lisa. (Big Hugs) to you sweetie. You were blessed to have such a loving relationship with your MIL. Cherish that in your memories.
I will be thinking of you and your family.

Tammy said...

Lisa, I will defantly keep you and your family in our prayers.. May God give you peace through the sorrow of losing someone so close. The strength to carry you through the difficult tasks that you have taken on.((Huggs to you my dear))

Crystal Thomas said...

Lisa,
I am so sorry for you loss and she sounds like a lovely woman. You and your family are in my prayers and remember she is always watching over you

Noel said...

Beautiful pictures of your MIL...I'm so sorry for your loss! Praying that you and your family find comfort while healing. Hugs Noel

lizzyc said...

oh thank you for sharing such personal sadness.. i do pray you and your family will all be there for each other and find the strength to honor and remember this much loved MUM in the days and months ahead.. i am so sad for your great loss.. xx

pamela said...

What a beautiful story! She would be so proud to have read what you wrote. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to everyone in the family.

Karen Shady said...

Im so sorry for your loss..... your words bought tears to my eyes. My thoughts are with you

Lisa said...

Wow what a wonderful story about a great lady! I am so glad you were honored to know her and be a part of her life. I am sorry for your loss and wish the best! Lisa

artfuldelight said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I actually just found your blog from a fellow reader of yours. I read about your mother in law and I shed some tears, she truly sounded like a wonderful women and you're right not many can say they have had a wonderful relationship with their m-i-l or f-i-l. It is wonderful your family was able to be by her side.

Your work is so beautiful!!!!

TCahal said...

Your story brought tears to my eyes. My heart goes out to your father in law - 60 years with the same partner is such a long time, I can only imagine how he must feel - a loss so deep no words could ever explain and that would make the deepest of oceans seem shallow right now.
Hugs and prayers sent your way.

wustaz said...

I am so sorry to hear of your terrible loss. It really does sound like she was a wonderful woman

Linda Dale said...

I am so sorry for your loss and feel your joy and sorrow. My 96 yr old farther just passed away on April 7th. It is a hard thing to go through loosing anyone you love. Hang on to the memories. That is what keeps me going. There will be times of sorrow and joy but the memories will forever live in our hearts. You and your family are in my prayers.

cheryl said...

So sad to read of your loss I hope the pages you have created recently have helped you they are just totally beautiful.
May her memories and love live =on in your hearts and in your wonderful creations Some Mother in laws are out laws and some are friends I am glad your mother in law was someone you felt close to